you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
