No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
