why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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