I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
