i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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