I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if only i could text you this smell
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
