he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
