I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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