don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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