booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
