my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
