ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
