We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
