Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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