I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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