Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
