last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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