Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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