he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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