Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Enjoy the penises
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize