Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
