You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize