It was confusing and full of hummus
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
