Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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