i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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