He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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