she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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