I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
