I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
