Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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