Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I AM VODKA MAN
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
