Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
