oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
