mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
