Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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