The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish you could order shots online.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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