So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
