I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
