i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
