I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize