I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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