can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I looked at my own cervix.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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