he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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