I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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