yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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