She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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