I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
