you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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