Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
