Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
