I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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