We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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