He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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