Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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