I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize