You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
