There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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