rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
