Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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