just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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