It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
