I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
