she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
