..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
