at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
