Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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