I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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