His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
