Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
