I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
