I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
