Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
