Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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