I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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