the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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