never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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