i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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