I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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