"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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