I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it glows. i had to have it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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