i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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