Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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