so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Non-Jews are for practice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
