Where did you get a picture of my penis
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
