My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
