We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
