Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
