You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
