Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
