please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
