I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
