McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
