Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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