well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
