I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
