My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
