just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
