first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize