She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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