i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
