I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
