how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
