tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
