Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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