I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
