my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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