your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
