My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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