Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
