i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
