I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its liver damage thursday
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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