So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
