All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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