He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
