i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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