Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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