Moan for me like Helen Keller
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize